Friday, November 16, 2012

It Ain't Heavy, It's My Phone

It has been a while since I posted anything because I simply couldn't not summon up enough brain cells to work out a sentence, let alone a whole paragraph. However this little comment by one Sam Biddle of Gizmodo energized me enough into action.

Sam is the opposite of Joshua Topolsky's overly sunny reviews of anything Apple. He is overly critical of anything not Apple.

OK, that comment is totally based on hearsay and a single reading of one of his work, so to be fair, one should read more of his work.

But I am not in a fair mood.

The offending article is titled Lumia 920 Review: Just Too Damn Heavy. Below is an excerpt where dear Sammy dedicated 3 paragraphs to what amounts to a group of skinny girls doing a body check at the beach.
Tragic Flaw
It's just too heavy.
The Lumia 920 weighs almost half a pound. It clocks in at just under than 90 grams less the iPad Mini. A tablet. It weighs more than the Galaxy Note II and the Titan. No, really. It's uncomfortable enough to be disqualified from serious consideration.
It's just too heavy. Inexcusably heavy. Way, way too heavy to recommend to anyone. The 920 isn't just big—the HTC Titan was big, and it was pretty great. The 920 is bloated, cumbersome. Anyone's first response will be "Ugh, God, this thing is heavy." It's a visceral, instant repulsion, and it doesn't get any less heavy, as if through some polycarbonate osmosis. It's just as galling every time you take it out of your pocket—stretched within a micron of its life—and that isn't the kind of feeling you want to have with an object you're going to be using all day every day.
Our gadgets should be comfortable. They should be made for our hands and fingers. The 920 was perhaps made for hands and fingers, but not of any mortal. Not any of us. Maybe Nokia figured that bigger means better means more things sold means Windows Phone 8 succeeds. Maybe Nokia just couldn't figure out a way to make it skinny. But we haven't just been spoiled by the impossibly slight iPhone 5—the 920 is a design failure all by itself. Everything good about it is nullified by its obesity.


Paragraph 2 is basically one long "Your Momma is so heavy" joke and good old Sammy practically ends with a "Girl you so fat, there ain't nothin' you can do to be good." (I have been watching too much US TV shows sorry!)

Just how heavy is the Lumia 920? It weighs in at 185 grams, just a mere 5 more than the Galaxy Note 2 to warrant a disqualification. Or as Sam noted, 90 grams lighter than a iPad Mini. So while weight distribution would change the feel on the hand, something that is 90 grams lighter is "inexcusably" heavier and "instantly repulsive"?

My Nokia 808 is 169 grams, just 16 less than the Lumia, but I have yet to suffer any wardrobe malfunction while carrying it together with the N9 and a key pouch in one trouser pocket.

Sadly Sam Biddle is not the only writer with such sentiments, but he takes the cake with his vehemence.

This YouTube video is kind of how I might respond if I wasn't a shy person.
Warning! Heavily laced with profanities. You have been warned!

Presenting GeneralTheDestroyer. One American who loves his Nokia.

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